Even the military horses who caused panic when bolting through the streets of London would have turned back if confronted by Jean-Philippe Mateta.
Here, it was the turn of Newcastle’s defenders to be spooked, and it was the Crystal Palace match-winner who alarmed them so.
Mateta had matched Alexander Isak for goals of late, five since the start of last month. He, however, has not been linked with £100million moves to Arsenal.
Unorthodox at a muscle-bound 6ft 4ins and at times awkward, the French striker does not boast the quicksilver skills of Isak.
But everything about the 55th-minute goal to set Palace on their way to victory – the one-touch exchange with Jordan Ayew and rolled finish into the bottom corner – his opposite number would have admired. It was, dare we say it, Isak-esque.
Jean-Philippe Mateta opened the scoring for Crystal Palace with his sixth goal in eight games
Mateta combined with Jordan Ayew before sliding the ball past Martin Dubravka for first goal
Mateta sealed victory by blasting the ball between Dubravka’s legs in the 88th minute
Their lead was deserved, too. While clips of its climax will feature only the crisp one-two between Mateta and Ayew that made mannequins of centre-backs Fabian Schar and Dan Burn, it was the incision of Eberechi Eze that created the opening.
In the absence of partner in crime Michael Olise – starting from the bench – Eze picked pockets and passes all night, a menace with whom Newcastle could not live.
The same could be said of Mateta, who followed on from his two goals in the 5-2 win over West Ham with another double to take his tally for the campaign to 14. To think, he managed just two last season.
Mateta settled the contest two minutes from time when sweeping home from a Will Hughes’ pull-back. Again, Newcastle’s defenders were nowhere near close enough. The win, a third on the spin, means Oliver Glasner’s side are mathematically safe.
‘I could not believe what I saw, there were moments Newcastle could not get out of their half,’ said the German, whose side swarmed all over their opponents. ‘I feared I might have to make 10 changes after an hour!’
Of Mateta, Glasner added: ‘JP Mateta has a lot of quality and now he has the confidence.’
For Eddie Howe and Newcastle, this was a dent in their European aspirations on a night when they were slow of thought and movement and did not really threaten until a 95th-minute shot from Anthony Gordon.
‘We gave the ball away too much and seemed reluctant to shoot around their goal – that baffled me,’ said Howe. ‘None of our game was in a good place.’
There were late Newcastle claims for a penalty at 1-0 – and a VAR check – when Sean Longstaff went down under the challenge of Hughes, but the desperation of what always seemed a futile appeal served to highlight how poor they had been.
Bruno Guimaraes gave Newcastle an injury scare when he went down in the first-half
Crystal Palace midfielder Eberechi Eze goes down under challenge of Anthony Gordon
Newcastle defender Dan Burn challenges Crystal Palace forward Jordan Ayew
Crystal Palace defender Joachim Andersen tangles with Newcastle midfielder Sean Longstaff
TV stars and Newcastle fans Ant McPartlin and Declan Donnelly were spotted in the crowd
Palace would have led inside five minutes if not for Schar’s goalmouth block to deny Joachim Andersen.
But, as the home efforts became less frequent and longer in range as the half drew to a close, there was a danger their early intensity might go to waste.
Enter Mateta, running riot through the heart of Newcastle’s backline, much like those horses had done through this city earlier in the day.
