If you were playing a game of Top Trumps based around Euro 2024’s most damning stats, you’d have an enviable hand with England.
This is the most sterile and catatonic version of England we have seen under Gareth Southgate.
In terms of shooting, speed of attack, pressing, positioning, you name it – all roads lead to turgid.
Let’s take Jude Bellingham as an example. Here we have the LaLiga player of the season and a man in the running for the Ballon d’Or.
Against Slovenia: no shots. No chances created. No completed passes in the final third. No tackle successes. One dribble completed. Only 14 per cent of his passes were progressive. Ball given away: 16 times.
England’s stats reflect everything fans can see at Euro 2024: they have become sterile
A hero in the first game, Jude Bellingham has faded, creating no chances against Slovenia
This is not the Bellingham we have come to know, the supposed liberator of the English summer in his third major tournament already.
It is not even the Jude Bellingham we knew against Serbia, the one who scored, had the most touches, attempted five dribbles and won 10 duels.
Bellingham is only 20. He has just had a historic and demanding season at Real Madrid. The only reason people are disappointed is because he has so often delivered to astonishingly high levels. Forgive him two off-games and maybe rest him for later benefit.
His malaise is part of a wider slump, a symptom of England’s slouching performances.
How many shots on target did Phil Foden, Bukayo Saka, and Harry Kane muster between them against Serbia? Two.
It’s hardly anything new. At Euro 2024, England are sixth-bottom for total shots per 90 (9.67) and only hit the target with around a third of them. Alright, not as bad as Scotland, but still abysmal.
On the attack, England are dysfunctional.
At Euro 2024 as a whole, he has passed to Jordan Pickford three times and just once to Kane. Against Slovenia, he played more than twice as many backward passes as forward ones.
This is an England team who look fatigued and drained of confidence. Could England’s stars be suffering from fatigue after the brutal physicality of the Premier League?
Aleksandar Mitrovic recently said: ‘When you play a lot of years in the best league in the world you are just mentally and physically exhausted. One year in England is like two or three years in a different league in the world.’
Of course, tactically things are a mess. It does not help that Foden has been playing out of position in the left wing.
England have the slowest average speed of attack at the Euros and the sixth-least shots per 90
Harry Kane’s average position in the first half against Slovenia was similar to Kobbie Mainoo’s in the second
The Three Lions average the second-least pressing actions in the opposition half
Nor does it help others play forward passes when Kane’s average positioning in the first half was almost identical to Kobbie Mainoo’s in the second. Any feeling of excitement or risk on the attack has evaporated because England are not stretching the opposition or gambling on beating them in a run.
There is little drive to win the ball high up. England are the second-worst team at Euro 2024 for pressures in the opposition half per 90 minutes, sitting on 45.6. That’s lethargic and standoffish.
England fans have drawn the short straw in terms of excitement.
Think our stars attack too slowly? You’d be right there. According to Stats Perform, England have the slowest pace of attack at Euro 2024.
They have managed to advance the ball at an average of 1.24 metres per second – almost an entire metre each second slower than speed merchants Poland.
The three group games produced just 3.4 expected goals between England and the opposition. That is by far the lowest of any team in the Euros and some teams have only played twice.
Phil Foden has passed the ball more to Jordan Pickford (three times) than he has to Kane (once)
Pickford has played the second-most long passes and fewer than half have been successful
Think expected goals are too fancy? Alright, back to basics – England games have seen just three goals. Three. Only France, Serbia, and Belgium games have been so parched of action, and the latter have a game left to play.
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The upside to this is that England have a stellar defensive record with two clean sheets. Only Spain can better the Three Lions’ impenetrability and that is commendable.
Yet this is not through some gritty defensive nous. None of England’s group-stage opponents are ranked in FIFA’s top 20 in the world. They had 74 per cent of possession against Slovenia and did nothing with it – of course the opposition would have struggled to score.
Worryingly, only two teams in history have scored fewer than three goals in the group stages and reached the final. Those teams were eventual champions Denmark in 1992 and – checks notes – England at Euro 2020. Maybe scoring as few goals as possible is all part of the plan.
There have been just three goals in games involving England – no team has seen less action
Is fatigue the root issue? Aleksandar Mitrovic said that ‘one year in England is like two or three years in a different league’
A word too on Jordan Pickford. His long passing is part of the problem. In three games, he has launched the ball long 60 times. Fewer than half have been successful. Only Scotland goalkeeper Angus Gunn has lobbed more forward.
Southgate has opted for two solid ball-playing centre-backs in John Stones and Marc Guehi, but they are not getting as much of a chance to show their abilities because Pickford is booting the ball upfield with little return.
When all is said and done, the only stat that matters is who wins the trophy. Conservative football, as Portugal and Italy have proven at the last two Euros, is often the wiser route in international tournaments. Portugal didn’t even win a game in their group in 2016.
What we can conclude: England have been boring to watch. And that’s no fun.
